Paternal Ramifications

           Over spring break, as any teen with my ardor for the written word would do, I read many books. As my friends had scattered to various parts of the world to sojourn in various hotels and houses, I simply lay in my bed and devoured every book available online for free and the books my mother brought me from the library, as well as some old favorites. Among these volumes were the "Pretty Little Liars" series and "Looking for Alaska."
           As anyone who has read these books can tell, they are very different from each other. So dissimilar that it would seem fairly impossible to imply that they had any significant similarities other than they are all about teenagers. The former is about a group of wealthy teenagers living in suburban Philedelphia finding themselves and building their friendships and relationship amid the ongoing murder investigation of their best friend and threatening notes from the mysterious "A." The latter, "Looking for Alaska," is about a teenage boy named Miles finding "the great perhaps" in a Alabama boarding school aided by the Colonel (a brilliant scholarship student with a penchant for planning), Lara, Takumi and Alaska Young ( a sad, clever and beautiful girl searching for her way out of the "labyrinth" after the death of her mother).  One thing that stood out to me with all of these books is the effect of a father figure to the main characters.
           The paternal figure is often thought of as a mentor to boys, but they have an equal impact on their daughters. For example, in the "Pretty Little Liars" series, protagonist Hanna is prodded back into her eating disorder due to her father's new step daughter who "wears a size two!" Hanna even expresses this to her dad, saying, that she is "like a size two...I'm huge!" This is even though Hanna is thought to be thin by her peers. Her father does not respond, furthering her self esteem issues and pushing her deep into a cycle of bulimia and bad relationships. Another girl in the series pushed into bad relationships by her fathers actions is another protagonist Aria Montgomery. After Aria saw her Dad cheating on her Mom, he made her promise not to tell, which she kept for almost three years. When the clandestine affair goes public, Aria gets romantically involved with a teacher, saying, "I was vulnerable and he was there." Her fathers pressuring and extra-marital affairs got her into trouble, her boyfriend arrested and herself alienated.
              In "Looking for Alaska" the protagonist is named Miles, but the subject of the book is (arguably) Alaska Young. Miles is smitten and describes her as effortlessly beautiful, charismatic, intense, charismatic and troubled. Not the archetypal beautiful girl, but definitely worth obsessing over, in his opinion. Alaska's impulsiveness evidenced by her sudden desires to kiss or drive recklessly, is revealed to be caused by her believed causation of her mother's death. Her father reportedly blames her for her mother's demise and she lives with this imposed guilt everyday. It is also this guilt, I believe, that makes Alaska eventually die as she speeds towards her mother's grave after she forgot the anniversary of the death. If her father had made a connection with her after her mothers's death or attempted to remedy his accusations of fault made years ago, Alaska may not have felt such pressure to get to the grave and die.
             I have a relatively healthy relationship with my father. Because my parents are divorced, I get to see him more often one on one and, I believe, get to know him a little better than my friends and their fathers whose parents are still together. However, what someone's relationship with their father is supposed to be is hard to define. What anyones relationship with anyone else is supposed to be is also unclear. Should there be such definitions, such boundaries? How close is too close and how far is to far? These are questions that must be answered on a case by case basis, for as seen in these books, fathers definitely affect so much more than just their children.

The Past, The Present, The Future

       My first memory is from when I was two years old. It was when my sister was born. It wasn't that I was there at the birth, it was that my Aunt had come down from the apartment she rented upstairs to come and take care of me as my parents brought my sister into the world. All that I remember is a flash of a picture, just a snapshot of a bowl of the spinach-y mixture (I later found out it was quiche) and my hand on the wooden spoon, pudgy fingers gripping hard.That was in 2001. Somehow, 11 years later, I still remember that moment, among all other moments both before and for after that. Why? Why that flash?
      The past has so much to do with our present, and therefore our future. The past, whether it be a minute ago or 20 years, is prevalent in our decisions and lives. Life is not like an essay, we are not given specific resources that tell us what to do.The thing is, the past is all of the back ground information we have on life. So we have to rely on it in order to base our life on anything.
      The past is always on the mind of characters in books. Books are usually centered on a change that has happened in the main character's life, that's what makes books worth reading. In many of the books I have read recently, getting beyond the past which ties them down and becoming ready for the future or breaks them free. For although the past is a valuable resource, we can dwell on it too much. I found this theme in Between Shades of Gray, Looking for Alaska and The Secret Life of Bees.
        In Between Shades of Gray, the past and present and the foreseeable future are so different that the contrast is startling. Between Shades of Gray is a story about a girl named Lina growing up under the rule of Stalin in Lithuania. Lina and her family (Brother Jonas, Mother Elena and Father Kostas) live a rich and happy life in Lithuania. Kostas is a professor and makes enough money to keep them all happy. Lina is pursuing what looks to be a successful career in art and Jonas chases bugs out of the house instead of killing them. Then the deportations begin. Lina, Jonas and Elena are separated from Kostas and deported first to a forced labor camp and then to Siberia to supposedly die; in trains marked "thieves and prostitutes."Lina's past and her present are so strikingly different that it seems they were from different lifetimes. Because of Lina's present situation, she frequently thinks about the past. She describes delicious meals to herself when she is starving in Siberia. She draws as if she still has that freedom. But both of these things just make her present situation worse when she feels more hungry and the guards catch her drawing. Lina feels that the only way she can survive is by living in the past which dulls the present. What Lina doesn't realize is that the contrast only grows stronger and that she cannot survive that way. Lina needs to stop dwelling on the past if she is to survive the present and future.
       The dichotomy between past and present is also evident in the book Looking for Alaska by John Green. The book centers on a boy named Miles. Miles enrolls in the boarding school Culver Creek to set out to find the "Great Perhaps." Miles meets new friends, trouble makers Colenel and Tamiki and the beautiful Alaska. Miles falls in with them and soon acts just like them, smoking, pranking and having fun all the time. However, Miles is forgetting his past. He forgets his former loser-like existence at home and how he used to be more shy, more reserved, less impulsive. In forgetting this former side of himself he doesn't realize how much heartbreak and trouble he is getting into falling for Alaska Young. Sure she's hilarious and sexy, but she's dangerous and moody. If Miles had held on to a little bit more of his former judgement and reserve he would have realized a little of what he was getting into and maybe not have been so hurt and surprised when it fell apart.
     A third example of how the past really affects the future is in the historical fiction novel, the Secret Life of Bees. The Secret Life of Bees is about a girl named Lily who, when her black substitute mother Rosaleen insults some of the worst racists in town, finds the opportunity to run away from her abusive father. She is guided by some objects her mother left behind to the Boatwright sisters in Tiburon South Carolina. The Boatwright sisters help her to find the truth about the death of her real mother and she finds a home with them. Lily has been haunted all of her life by her mother's death, how she might have accidentally caused it and why it happened at all. It is only when Lily comes to terms with her mother's past which surrounds her at the Boatwright home, that she becomes truly content with herself and finds herself a home which feels right to her. When Lily was living with her father, she spent all of her time restless with the present and unsure about her future. Sometimes, reflecting on the past helps to steady the future.
     The past affects the future, whether you need to reflect on it more, or dwell on it less which is a difficult balance to maintain. So I don't know why I still remember making the quiche and I'd like to figure out why someday, but I'm not going to dwell on it too much, there's still life out there to live!